Reviewed by Johnny McNair

Twentieth Century Fox – 87 minutes – 2008 – Unrated – 1080p Widescreen 1.85:1 – DTS HD 5.1 Lossless Audio

Have you ever seen a film so bad that you immediately had to watch another movie just to get the bad taste of it out of your memory? Well, Meet The Spartans is that film. Some of you may be saying, hey the trailer looked pretty funny. Yes, but all the things that could make you chuckle were tossed into that two minute trailer. The other 85 minutes that you have to sit through will make you volunteer for a root canal without anesthesia. For those of you who are desperate, or have been locked up for many years and want to see the movie, Meet The Spartans: Unrated Pit of Death Edition is available on Blu-ray from Fox Home Entertainment.
 

THE MOVIE

Horribly written and directed by the duo of Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, Meet The Spartans is another one of their spoofs of popular film genres that they have already done in their previous films, Date Movie and Epic Movie. Meet the Spartans mainly spoofs the film 300, and if done correctly it would have been a funny satire, but instead they filmmakers result to the lowest forms of dishing out jokes that it literally seems that the movie was made by a bunch of kids with a camera and some bad costumes in one weekend.

Even the cast is lame, with only Carmen Electra being the only recognizable name (and that’s not saying much). And Kevin Sorbo from the cult TV series Hercules, appears to be so embarrassed to be in the film, looking as if he only signed on because he has a mortgage payment due. But you can’t blame the cast; the true shame should go to Seltzer and Friedberg for making this crap and wanting people to pay to see it. How many “gay” jokes can you stick in a movie? We get it, muscular half dressed men running around together with big swords. That works as a You Tube short, but not a feature film.

When a spoof is done well it will be as memorable as the films it is making fun of. Just look at Mel Brook’s library of gems such as Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein, Space Balls, and History of the World, Part 1. There’s a reason why people still make references to those movies and quote the dialogue. Brook’s knew how to dissect the films he was mocking to find what was funny, and make it work for him. There’s always room for a good film spoof, so Seltzer and Friedberg need to go back to class and learn from the master.

Meet The Spartans made a good deal of money at the box office, which says a lot about the world today, so there obviously is another Seltzer and Friedberg flick on the way. If you’re in desperate need of a 300 spoof, just rent this film anonymously and quickly return it, because there’s no reason that anyone should see this title on the shelf next to your other Blu-rays.

VIDEO

The movie sucks like nothing has sucked before, but it looks great in high-def, with a 1080p image and 1.85:1 aspect ratio. Meet The Spartans does a nice job emulating the look of the film 300, even putting in the digital grain to give it a saturated quality. If more effort went into the script as it did in the cinematography, Spartans might have been a better film.

AUDIO

The sound is also well done, featuring a 5.1 DTS-HD Lossless surround track, so you can hear every stupid joke in crystal clear quality. The music and step dance sequences will shake your room, but when it’s over you’ll realize that you’re still watching a dumb movie with good sound.

EXTRAS

The only way to hold up a bad film is with some cool extras, unfortunately Meet the Spartans didn’t even bother, offering only a couple of mediocre supplements in standard definition format.

There’s an audio commentary featuring writer-directors Seltzer and Friedberg, as well as cast members Kevin Sorbo, Sean Maguire and Ike Barinholtz. There seems to be better jokes in the commentary than in the actual film, and with everybody talking over each other, most of the time the conversations would only matter if you were actually involved with the shoot.

‘Prepare for Thrusting’ is a whopping five minute long making of feature that does nothing to enhance the experience of the film, featuring a couple of interviews and lame reasons for why the film was made.

‘The Set Tour’ is just that, giving you a six minute tour of the cheesy sets in the film.

The ‘Gag Reel’ is five minutes of outtakes that are just a humorless ass the movie itself.

‘Know Your Spartans’ is a Q & A trivia game that plays clips from the film when you answer a question correctly. (Yawn!)

‘Meet the Spartans: The Music’ lets you skip to one of the music or dance sequences in the film. (Isn’t this what Scene Selection is for?)

‘Celebrity Kick-Off Game’ and the Super Pit of Death Ultimate Tactical Battle Challenge’ are both silly games that allow you to kick various celebrities such as Britney Spears into the pit, just like it was done in the film.

BOTTOM LINE

There’s a reason why this is called the Pit of Death Edition, because after it’s over you will want to leap into one. We all love a funny movie parody, but Meet the Spartans doesn’t fall into that category. This Blu-ray does offer great image and audio quality, but unfortunately you have to sit through the movie to experience that. Meet the Spartans is not worth your hard earned cash, so get your laughs elsewhere.

SCORES (Out of 5):

The Movie: 1.0

Video: 3.5

Sound: 3.5

Extras: 2.0

Bottom Line: 1.5